Why?

So I got a phone call at 9am today from the assistant department coordinator from school - that's never a good sign. My friend, colleague and self proclaimed "dad at school" died on Friday night of a massive heart attack - I am crushed. "Stans" was the kindest, most gentle man you could ever dream of meeting. In his mid-fifties, he still LOVED what he did every day, and the students and faculty alike all benefitted from this. I was honored to teach inclusion classes with him, and know that for the rest of my teaching career I will always use the term "Pigknuckle Arkansas" in honor of him. Since I heard the news I just keep having flashes of the classes that I've taught with him over the years, and of our last few days of school together. I am frustrated that I cannot pinpoint the last thing I said to him on Friday - does it matter? Could it have changed anything? While I know in my head it couldn't, I just feel in my heart like this isn't happening. This can't be real. When I go to school on Monday, Stans will still be in his classroom right next door to me, welcoming me as he has done every day with a smile and commentary on the plight of the Phillies and Eagles. I hurt for his family. I hurt for myself. I hurt for the number of students who will be devastated to learn of his passing, and wonder how, if it all, I will be able to comfort them while grieving myself. Why do things like this happen? I wish life could be simple, as it is for my three year old. She saw me crying today and asked what was wrong. I told her that Mommy's friend from school died. She, of course, being the loving, caring child she is became quite concerned and said, "Don't worry Mommy - you can make new friends, just like Shark did." Not sure what movie she was referring to, but how innocent she is! Right now I just want to kick and scream - I don't want to make new friends, I just want Stans to be back and healthy and vibrant as always. These next weeks are going to be very difficult at school, and I just can't help but bring it all back to the question "why?"
RIP Stans, you will be missed and loved always and your lessons will live on not just in your students but in all of us who have had the honor of knowing you and working with you.